August 30th, 2020
Bar and Bat Mitzvahs of 2020 will never be forgotten. From virtual services to drive-by parades, Jewish families are finding new and meaningful ways to celebrate their simchas in the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic. As cities across the country begin to slowly “open up,” parents are finding creative ways to stage smaller, socially distant celebrations.
Following is the first hand account of St. Louis Mitzvah Mom Suzanne Epstein-Lang on her daughter Annabelle’s re-imagined Mitzvah celebration:
I found a way to “go big or go home” on a virtual service and micro Bat Mitzvah party! The most meaningful part, of course, was the service but we also had a series of memorable, micro celebrations.
Annabelle had been dreaming of her Bat Mitzvah party theme for a decade – a play on Disney’s “It’s A Small World” had morphed over time into a vintage, steampunk travel party with a hot air balloon logo.
Our original Mitzvah plans were to kick of with a Mediterranean Shabbat Dinner, followed by a Havdallah ceremony at our synagogue. We had reserved a hospitality suite at the hotel for our guests with a “Passage to India” theme. Vintage trolleys had been hired to whisk kids from the service to the reception, at our country club, for dancing and adventurous eats from each continent. Sunday brunch would have been at the hotel which has a lovely ballroom.
Letting Go Of What Was “Supposed” To Be
I am not going to sugar-coat this part: the first thing we had to do was grieve for what was not going to happen. Our Bat Mitzvah girl Annabelle took it in stride while I struggled. I mostly got over it and got to work. The first and most important call was to the synagogue. It was early March so the clergy was not ready to commit to going forward, canceling, Zooming, opening the doors, or anything else. We decided, however, that no matter what, we were going to proceed religiously in some way on our scheduled date. We knew that we would be loved and supported by the shul and the one thing I never doubted was that our rabbis and tutor would make that happen (and they did). We just didn’t know what it would look like yet.
We already had invitations, photography, floral, videography, entertainment, flipbooks, swag and large decor booked, so throughout the month of April I was in contact with our many vendors. Eventually, I took a hard look at what deposits we had, what we arranged on handshakes, what we already paid in full, and what would even make sense to still use in the future if we were having a party only later (for instance, we would no longer need printed yarmulkes or transportation from the service).
By May 20th, when our city announced what phase one would include, I fully pivoted to the new plan– leaving me three weeks to execute something different! At this point the rabbis said we had the go ahead on the Zoom and that they would run it, though they would not be there physically.
Three Weeks To Plan Our “Micro” Mitzvah
Annabelle’s service was held on her original date in June, in our backyard. Technically it was a Zoom between our family and the rabbis that was broadcast over YouTube. We were absolutely committed to having the event outside so that Annabelle’s grandparents could be with us in person.
Simply put: Our daughter became a Bat Mitzvah and it was what we hoped–authentic and ethical. A small group gathered under a beautifully decorated tent. Thanks to our young Rabbi Daniel’s detailed knowledge of technology/broadcasting paired with our amazing on-site tech person, we were broadcast to 300 living rooms and at least two poolsides we know of! The coolest part was having the prayers loaded onto the screen and integrating pre-recorded video from family members. For those watching at home, there was great production value because of the special videos and slides, while those of us standing by just got a look at our sweet girl doing what she was prepared to do– lead us in a real service.
When the service was over we were surprised that the synagogue had a virtual aufruff for us. We had no idea! Then it was off to meet the trolleys that were initially intended to take us to the party. Instead, we were joined by 10 of Annabelle’s closest friends for a candy crawl! We stopped at five locations staffed by friends, passing out candy from different continents. The route was perfectly timed and got us back to the park exactly one hour and 15 minutes later (given the 5 minutes it took to load on the front end, it literally was around the world in 80 minutes).
The family headed back to our backyard, which had been flipped for dinner. We enjoyed a nice night under the stars and the sunset provided a much needed cool-down. Annabelle changed clothes and it was just like the most relaxing backyard barbecue we ever had.
Our neighbors stayed out in the yard with us the whole time. It took every bit of my strength not to have some family friends come over after dinner for drinks as well. We just knew that it was all or nothing on the friends, and if we invited everyone we’d have a hundred people. Since we firmly believe we should not be doing at this time, we had no additional friends. This was the only hard part for me–everything else was just perfect!
Our family (L-R): mom Suzanne, daughter Annabelle, daughter Naomi and father David
She was radiant that day!
Annabelle's invitation introduced the Around the World theme to our guests
Annabelle led the service from a beautiful tent in our backyard
Our sweet girl doing what she was prepared to do--lead us in a real service. She was very good but not perfect (afterall, she had not seen her tutor in person for three months, and it was 95 degrees in that tent!)
Programs for the service were presented in vintage suitcases
Face masks with Annabelle's hot-air balloon logo
Provisions for our guests
The tent was beautiful because a team of planners, florists, and friends labored tirelessly while doing a coordinated dance to stay six feet from one another in the sweltering heat….. either one at a time or in masks
The ladies at Simcha’s still helped us on a small scale in a BIG way!! Leaving no stone unturned--literally Julie pulled rocks and weeds from my garden!
My friend Stephanie even weed-whacked the area under the tent that was missed by the lawnmower
We passed out masks, provisions and custom bags made by Annabelle's older sister to collect the candy
Closeup of the compass detail
Annabelle boards her trolley
We gave our friends a crate of candy and a globe balloon to decorate each trolley stop, but they went above and beyond adding their own decorations for each continent!
When we arrived back at our house for dinner, the backyard had been transformed with unique travel-inspired decor
Our decor team did such a fabulous job
This 1970’s horse trailer turned portable bar made our small drink service so much fun!
A fusion food truck catered our casual international dinner as a nod to the formal multi-ethnic feast that was planned. This was like the affordable, street-food cousin of our planned meal…... and it was amazing with Sushi, edamame salad, sliders, two European style salads, the most delicious north Africa/Middle Eastern Mezzes, and a Mexican/South American mash-up featuring Chimichurri Chicken and the best homemade guac!
Wine barrels added to the vintage feel
Simple, beautiful table decor helped to bring our theme to life
We think the whole thing was real, beautiful, ethical, and authentic
Looking Back
We could have held a Zoom mitzvah for free (provided you have an existing computer and internet connection) and call it a day, but in this house we celebrate big and we honor our commitments. It is our yin and yang–beauty and detail that some may find silly, but all mixed up with old fashioned simple values about kindness and honoring our word.
The result was that we got our big day, small-style, and helped many small businesses with whom we already had an arrangement. We think the whole thing was real, beautiful, ethical, and authentic.
Everything was so great, in fact, that I don’t know that we should even taint it with another celebration. At the moment we have outstanding deposits for DJ, flip books paid in full, videography paid in full, a deposit on a trolley from a different company, and a deposit on the ballroom that was supposed to be for Sunday brunch. It would be totally possible to throw a small party given all of these things, or we could reschedule the big party, but in some ways I kind of feel like that almost takes away from the beautiful moments that we had on Saturday. I am looking into ways to schedule something special with the camp friends which is the only huge missing piece at this time.
Mitzvah Advice
If you are on the fence (and if you are in a part of the country where you can have even 20 to 30 people in masks at a safe distance), I would say do it! Small is the new big! Celebrate now and fully!
Vendor Directory
The Lang family worked with the following Vendors for their originally planned celebration as well as the micro party that was held in June. If you contact them, please let them know you read about their services on Mitzvah Market.com.
Invitations: M. Haley Design, 636-352-2102
Food Truck for At-Home Celebration: Wok and Roll STL, 314-724-3424
Bar Cart: Tipsy Pony Party Bar, 314-322-1812
Caterer for At-Home Sunday Brunch: J David Events, 314-323-6538
Event Decor: Decorum, 314-447-4000
Event Planning: Simcha’s Events, 314-458-5463
Photographer: L Photographie, 314-449-8124
Videographer: Westview Media, 314-726-622
Florist: Thorn Studio, 314-808-0706
Face Masks: BowlingShirt.com, 800-444-1685
Swag: Pillsbury Marketing, 314-997-6666
Trolley: St. Louis Carriage and Trolley, 314-621-3334
Hair and Makeup: Malorie Harris, 314-265-7542
Tech/Editing Services: Videocakes Productions, 314-709-7626
International Candy: Global Foods Market, 314-835-1112, Cost Plus World Market, 314-918-7800
Service: Originally to be held at Central Reform Congregation
Shabbat Dinner: Originally planned at Parker’s Table Wine, 314-645-2050
Reception Venue: Originally planned at Westwood Country Club
Hotel/Hospitality Suite/Sunday Brunch: Originally planned at The Cheshire Inn, 314-647-7300
Music/DJ: Originally booked with Utopia Entertainment, 636-532-2777
Flipbooks: Originally booked with Flipping Good Times, 573-437-4577
For more information on planning a Micro Mitzvah in your area, join one of Mitzvah Market’s 17 regional Facebook Groups where thousands of parents are discussing how to modify celebrations to meet social distancing requirements in their area.
August 23rd, 2020
If your Bar Bat Mitzvah date has been postponed, can you still use the swag and giveaways with your original date? The answer is: YES!
This question was asked in Mitzvah Market’s Philadelphia Area Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning Group on Facebook. Vendors and parents agree that you can and should use any Mitzvah related merchandise that you’ve already purchased/printed. Family and friends will all understand the situation and the swag with the original date will become a fun conversation piece.
If you do decide to reprint your favors, vendors may offer discounts or agree to reproduce the items at cost. For other families, simply putting a spin on the original party swag feels right.
See below for clever ideas to re-use or re-imagine your Bar Bat Mitzvah swag:
Party Logo Design created this clever, animated logo for a Bar Mitzvah family who did not have a new date yet. Using the Bar Mitzvah boy's initials, they emailed this to guests to let them know that Cameron's baseball theme party would be rescheduled.
Donald Kramer of
TransTrade Promotions is working with a family who ordered swag for a sports themed Mitzvah that is now postponed. "They decided to send the favors out now," he says. "With a note thanking guests for being on their team!"
"One thing I've done is change the logo date to EST (established) with the Mitzvah child's birthday date instead of their Mitzvah party date," says Vicki Ross of
Plan-It Vicki. She collaborated with Geri Denyer from
Denyer DeZignz to create these two Bat Mitzvah logos
SPACE54 modified Justin's original logo to create a text message for guests with his new Bar Mitzvah celebration date
"Get Ready to Celebrate in December," uses the Bat Mitzvah girl's initials (GRC). Created by
FabuDesigns.com, owner Amy Wohl is working with clients to adjust their logos when their celebrations are rescheduled
A Promos USA created this dance floor giveaway for a family whose Bar Mitzvah was postponed to Halloween weekend. "Corona's Gone, Let's Party On!" uses the child's initials (CG) and a catchphrase that can be printed on other swag items
For a family who wanted to keep their original logo on the back of their sweatshirt swag (left),
Jaylor Party Favors is adding a new 2020 design to the front of the shirt (right) so it will work for any new fall date
If you would like to share your Bar Bat Mitzvah postponement idea, let us know at info@mitzvahmarket.com. For ideas on how to handle your postponement invite, check out How to Word Bar Bat Mitzvah Postponement Cards.
Parents are discussing and getting advice about all types of Bar Bat Mitzvah issues in Mitzvah Market’s 17 regional Facebook Groups around the country. Join here.
July 24th, 2020
Xtreme Event Group has been providing Bar and Bat Mitzvah entertainment and event planning services to the NY Tri-State area and beyond since 2004.
In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, Xtreme Event Group has expanded their operations to include “The Virtual Simcha.” An all-inclusive nationwide virtual party planning service, The Virtual Simcha allows families and their clergy to conduct a traditional Bar Bat Mitzvah service using video-conferencing technology in conjunction with professional live entertainment and video production.
The team at Xtreme Event Group will function as Event Planner, Security & IT Coordinator, Event Host, Virtual Photographer/Videographer, Production Expert and more. They will curate and produce a Custom Montage and Well-Wishes Video, create an Animated Entrance Logo, Photo Gallery and Word Cloud, produce an edited Group Photo and run Interactive Trivia and Games with guests.
They recently launched a new service! Their Virtual Photo Booth allows Bar Bat Mitzvah families and guests to have all the fun of a traditional photo booth, in a virtual format. This new technology allows users to take photos, GIFs, and Boomerangs (with any device, from anywhere!) and includes a microsite gallery custom, branded photo layouts and a virtual step-and-repeat. You can test it out below!
Add on a Virtual Photo Booth to your Bar Bat Mitzvah celebration to capture funny moments with your guests. Give it a try yourself
here
Xtreme Event Group’s goal is to create a completely stress-free experience so that Mitzvah families can can sit back, relax and enjoy their child’s important day!
The Virtual Simcha Services Include:
A photo montage and video of well wishes can be produced and played during your Virtual Simcha. See example here
here
Xtreme Event Group can create a word cloud about your child for the Virtual Simcha
A "group photo" of all your Virtual attendees will be taken during the service!
A video series produced by Xtreme Evennt Group is available to help you plan your Virtual Bar Mitzvah. Sign-up
here
While The Virtual Simcha service does not replace a traditional party, it creates a vehicle to connect with loved ones and to celebrate the hard work and accomplishments of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.
To learn more about Xtreme Event Group, visit their profile page in our Vendor Directory.
Thousands of Bar and Bat Mitzvah families are sharing information and ideas about virtual Mitzvahs, re-booking their celebrations and more in Mitzvah Market’s 17 regional Facebook groups. Join here.
July 24th, 2020
Organizing photos from the past 13 years for your child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah montage may feel like a daunting task. Where do you even start? How do you decide between thousands of photos and videos?
We went to an expert and got some advice. Images4ever is a full-service video montage company, but more than that, they are storytellers. They have this organizing thing down pat, and thankfully they’ve put together a comprehensive list of instructions and categories for you to follow.
So, here goes…
HOW TO ORGANIZE PHOTOS FOR A BAR OR BAT MITZVAH MONTAGE
There are two options on how to organize photos for your child’s video montage:
1. By Category
2. By Chronological Story
Most people choose the “Category” option. By dividing your pictures into 6 categories, it is easy to make a great photo montage. There is no exact number of pictures for each section. The focus should be on the end number. Images4ever believes 100-125 is the right amount of pictures. The goal is to make a montage that is about 9-11 minutes long.
Watch Charlie’s Bat Mitzvah Montage here
Here are the six categories they recommend:
CATEGORY 1: PICTURES OF BAR BAT MITZVAH CHILD
Baby pictures and pictures of your child at different ages. By going through the years, you can show how much your child has grown. You can include pictures from a pre-Mitzvah shoot. You do not need to show pictures from every year of your child’s life.
CATEGORY 2: PICTURES OF BAR BAT MITZVAH CHILD WITH MOM AND DAD
Images4ever recommends pictures of mom and dad with the child together, in addition to mom and dad alone with the child. You’ll want to avoid a larger number of photos with one parent or the other.
CATEGORY 3: IMMEDIATE FAMILY PICTURES
These pictures should be of brothers and sisters with Mitzvah child and family pictures. Mom and Dad should be in these pictures too. Pictures from special family memories like trips or special events work really well.
CATEGORY 4: EXTENDED FAMILY PICTURES
This category includes pictures of the child with their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and close family friends (those friends your kids call “aunt, uncle, and cousin”). Try not to leave anyone important out. Be mindful of feelings when choosing pictures and try to include an even amount of each family member.
CATEGORY 5: SCHOOL FRIENDS PICTURES:
School friends pictures can be throughout the years or just current friends, whichever is more appropriate for your child.
CATEGORY 6: CAMP FRIENDS OR SPORTS/ACTIVITY/HOBBY PICTURES
From camp, you probably have tons of pictures as most camps take pictures throughout the summer. If your child doesn’t go to camp, include pictures of the child playing sports, musical instruments or other hobbies.
Watch Ben’s Bar Mitzvah Montage here
Dividing your pictures into these categories should make your life a lot easier and hopefully save you some time.
To learn more about Images4ever, please visit their extended profile page in our Vendor Directory.
June 22nd, 2020
By Bethany Kandel
While every Bar Mitzvah boy and Bat Mitzvah girl may wear a tallit during services, the pieces of cloth are all unique.
Wrapping oneself in a shawl during prayer or reading from the Torah is meant to aid in attaining a proper mood of reverence for God. Made of silk, cotton, wool, or synthetics, a tallit can be plain and simple, or highly adorned. What transforms it from a mere piece of cloth into a tallit are the tzizit, the specially knotted fringes on the four corners, which are to remind us of the commandments of the Torah.
The tallit a young boy or girl wears for their Bar or Bat Mitzvah, can have great significance. Some are passed along from generation to generation. Others are bought on a trip to Israel. And now, many young people are choosing to either make or design their own, to add personal and truly unique meaning and expression to the symbolic garment.
Do you love the color purple? Design one in all its gorgeous shades. Why not weave in the names of your beloved late grandparents? Or how about including a whole family tree? When you design your own tallit, the sky is the limit. Here are some ways to create your own:
Weaving At The Loom Room
For the past four years, the Loom Room founded by the sisterhood at Neve Shalom Synagogue in Metuchen, NJ, has been a hub of activity and creativity. Hundreds of tallitot have come off the loom with colors that represent the rainbow, as well as the traditional blue and white stripe.
“It’s a priceless experience for the whole family to create a custom tallit,” explains Cory Schneider, founder of the Loom Room. Not only are they creating a one-of-a-kind family heirloom, but “It’s a journey they do together. It creates powerful memories. You don’t get that when you buy a tallit in the store.”
Laurie Solomon recently completed tallitot for each of her two young sons and a challah cover for her daughter there. The entire family took part in the weaving process, from the 93-year-old great-grandmother, to the youngest 6-year-old son. Why do it now, when her sons are only 10 and 6? “To make sure all the generations were around to participate,” says Solomon.
“I was never a weaver; I had no idea what I was getting into,” she adds. But over the months of work, she became very proficient. Now that the projects are complete, she’s excited for them to be worn by her sons in the future. “It’s something so meaningful and they’ll have forever. I hope they’ll remember the love and work that went into making them, and always think of us when they wear them; even we’re no longer around.”
Tallit being created at the Loom Room at Neve Shalom Synagogue in NJ
Cory Schneider, founder, and members of the sisterhood at Neve Shalom
Laurie Solomon and her children at the Loom Room
Make Your Own
“I want the tallit to be a work of art,” says New York textile artist Susan Schorr. She works with students at West End Synagogue to design, dye, and paint on silk, sometimes using an ice-dye method. For kids who are vegetarians, or especially environmentally aware, she offers fabric made out of bamboo, pineapple leaves, cruelty-free silk, and even from recycled soda bottles.
Before starting the process, she encourages the kids to go through a design process and play with color until they find something they love. “I remind them to think to the future,” she says. “Some designs might be great for a 12-year-old, but they aren’t going to want to wear them at 17. They all want something they are going to be proud of.”
Some students incorporate photos, embroidery, and other embellishments. They often want to print quotes, including the traditional blessing. “I had one student who wanted to use the quote ‘Man plans; God laughs.’ The parents weren’t too happy about it, until they discovered that it was the quote the grandfather had used in his law school yearbook. Then they loved it.”
She encourages all the family members to get involved in tying the tzizit to make it even more special.
A custom tallit for your child's Bar Mitzvah celebration
A custom Bar Mitzvah Tallit
Silk dyed tallit for a Bar Mitzvah
One-of-a-Kind Creativity
When Maxine Feldman was planning her son’s Bar Mitzvah 15 years ago, she wanted to do something creative for him. So, the New York City printmaker designed a tallit in his favorite colors, green and yellow.
She collaborated with a quilter from Ashland, OR, to complete the project. When people kept asking where she got his tallit, a business was born. Now Feldman works with local students to create custom tallitot out of raw silk. She hand-paints the four corners and a colorful stripe down the middle or a piece to go underthe atara. She can also make a matching pouch.
“I ask them what colors they like; what color combinations,” she says. “They love playing around with swatches and choosing color schemes. They want to be a part of the process instead of going to the store and just picking out a premade one. These are special and they’ll last a lifetime.”
A Bar Mitzvah tallit made by family members
A custom silk dyed tallit
Custom weaved tallit for a Bar Mitzvah
Resources to create or commission your own hand-crafted tallit:
• Susan Schorr: To learn about classes or commission a tallit contact, srschorr@aol.com
• Maxine Feldman: Find out how to commission a handmade tallit by emailing, maxigirl425@optonline.net
• For information about the Neve Shalom Loom Room, contact Cory Schneider, 717-574-1807, or email corstan65@gmail.com, neveshalom.net/sisterhood
• There is also a loom room at the JCC of Wyoming Valley in Wilkes-Barre, PA, 570-824-4656, ext. 237, jewishwilkes-barre.org/activities/programming/tallis-weaving-at-the-jcc
• Pennsylvania Rabbi Rayzel Raphael makes personalized silk-painted tallit and offers workshops where you can make your own. 215-782-1221, shechinah.com/shechinah-silks.html
• The Tallis Lady sells hundreds of varieties of handmade tallitot, plus tallit clips, beaded and crocheted kippot, and more. 201-321-4995, thetallislady.com
• Artist Jan Lichtenstein’s work can be seen at itsbyjan.com. Contact her to commission a tallit, jan@itsbyjan.com.
• Etsy: Many artists on etsy.com sell all types of customized tallit.
Get your FREE copy here.
June 14th, 2020
If your Bar Bat Mitzvah child is home for the summer, this is a perfect time for them to work on their Mitzvah Project, or move their existing project to a virtual format.
Many Mitzvah projects can easily be started (and completed) from the safety and comfort of your home. Food shopping for the elderly, donating books to an under-served community and hosting virtual fundraisers are just a few of the causes young tweens can do with minimal help from an adult.
See below for Mitzvah Market’s Favorite Virtual Mitzvah Project Ideas and Organizations:
Projects Related to COVID-19
Perhaps the easiest Mitzvah Project to implement right now is to send letters to vulnerable members of your community who may be at stuck at home due to the Coronavirus pandemic — or to local healthcare workers who are on the front lines.
Contact local nursing or rehabilitation centers or hospitals to find out who has the greatest need. Enlist friends and family members to join your letter writing campaign with posts on your social media
OperationGetWell.com was started by Paula Rosenthal in response to the COVID-19 pandemic as a free get well card campaign. Paula created the site to send messages of hope and care to hospitalized patients in New York who have been unable to receive visitors. It has grown to become an international effort with hundreds of participants who have helped to distribute thousands of get well messages
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center's
Words of Encouragement initiative sends virtual thank you's to the NYC hospital's healthcare workers
Ideas from The Mitzvah Bowl
The Mitzvah Bowl is a terrific online resource for meaningful Mitzvah projects. Here are some of their ideas:
The African Library Project has several online initiatives that can be completed from home. The One Box program sends containers of gently used books to children around the world. The organization has also partnered with HomeFirst in the San Francisco Bay Area to donate reusable face masks to the homeless community during the Coronavirus pandemic.
Food Shop for the Elderly- A Bar Bat Mitzvah student (along with their parent) can shop for an elderly neighbor and deliver groceries to their door step.
Plant a Giving Garden- Traditionally food banks rely on canned goods, but with many Americans losing their jobs, some food banks are expanding to include fresh fruits and vegetables. Grow a garden in your backyard and donate the excess crop to a local food bank who will take fresh produce!
Mask fundraiser: Buy masks at a wholesale price or DIY them and sell them to friends and family online-- the proceeds can go towards the Covid-19 charity of your choice.
Online Trivia Fundraiser: Use a trivia website and invite your friends/family for a one night or weekly event. Ask for a donation which will go to the cause of your choice.
Podcasts for a Cause- If your Bar Bat Mitzvah child feels strongly about a cause or organization, is an expert on a particular subject matter, or just likes to talk a lot, have them put together a series of podcasts to share on social media. Before getting started, order a podcast microphone on Amazon and look into the various hosting sites. Buzzsprout, Podbean, and Simplecast are good starter platforms with free trials or low monthly fees.
Motivate someone else by running with
Back on My Feet, which combats homelessness through the power of running, community support and essential employment and housing resources.
Support a local Diaper Bank with Diaper Donations: 1 in 3 American families reports experiencing diaper need. Click
here to learn how to host a diaper drive
Where to Donate Your Mitzvah Project Proceeds
Lev LaLev (Heart-to-Heart) is a girls' orphanage in Netanya, Israel. The organization will work with you to create a personalized Mitzvah project to benefit their at risk residents. Learn more
here
If you're looking for an organization to donate your Mitzvah Project proceeds, check out
Celebrations In Israel's suggestion:
The Holland Center in Jaffa, Israel is a day treatment program and medical clinic for children with autism. They presently need funding to purchase pediatric walkers for their patients
Bar Bat Mitzvah Twinning Program
Yad Vashem twins the Bar Mitzvah child with a child who had something in common – a birthday, a name, a country. In these days when flying to Israel is not an option, the child receives all the relevant information on their “twin” and a special certificate, acknowledging participation in the twinning program
For more Mitzvah Project ideas visit our library of stories here.
To get ideas about Mitzvah Projects in your area, join one of Mitzvah Market’s 17 regional Facebook groups here.
May 31st, 2020
NEW “LISTEN & LEARN SERIES” FOR BAR BAT MITZVAH PARENTS
If you’re planning or thinking about planning a virtual Bar or Bat Mitzvah, please join Mitzvah Market and Xtreme Event Group on Wednesday, June 10th at 7:30pm EDT for an online seminar.
We will give you step-by-step instructions for planning a Zoom Bar or Bat Mitzvah service, celebration and more! With Fall 2020 dates uncertain, this is your opportunity to become educated on the virtual possibilities and new trends in at-home Mitzvah celebrations. From setting up the technology and lighting to trivia, photo booths and additional fun for your guests, you don’t want to miss this FREE informative session.
**You must register here in order to receive the Zoom meeting ID and password. Further information will be sent a few days before the event. Friends must register separately.
May 24th, 2020
If you’re planning or thinking about planning a virtual Bar or Bat Mitzvah, please join Mitzvah Market for our new “Listen & Learn Series.”
Wednesday, June 10th at 7:30pm EST, Mitzvah Market and Xtreme Event Group will give you step-by-step instructions for planning a Zoom Bar or Bat Mitzvah. With Fall 2020 dates uncertain, this is your opportunity to become educated on the virtual possibilities and new trends in at-home Mitzvah celebrations. From setting up the technology and lighting to trivia, photo booths and additional fun for your guests, you don’t want to miss this FREE informative session.
**You must register here in order to receive the Zoom meeting ID and password. Further information will be sent a few days before the event. Friends must register separately.
Can’t make it on Wednesday, June 10th? Check out some tips below:
Top Tips for a Virtual Bar Bat Mitzvah Service
- Select a Conference Service – Zoom, Google Meet, Facetime are all options. Zoom is the most popular. Make sure you can record everything!
- Internet connection – Check the signal strength in the room where you want to have your service; you may need to purchase a WiFi booster or mesh system.
- Lighting – Lighting should be in front of you/your family (not behind); also check the natural light in that room at the time of your service.
- Audio – Consider using a plug in speaker so guests can hear you and your clergy.
- Virtual Dress Rehearsal – Hold a practice rehearsal with the “host” of the meeting as well as any other family members who will be participating.
- Ask a Friend or Family Member to Host the Call – This will allow you to be present and not distracted during the service.
- Ask a Friend or Family Member to Record the Service – Zoom can record a default “gallery view” with a maximum of 25 people visible. To capture all of your guests, ask someone and make them a “host” so they can record the service, from their home, and scroll through the additional screens of guests/participants so you have a video memory of everyone who attended.
- Send Directions to Guests – Email guests the conference provider in advance so they can download the app. The night before your Bar Bat Mitzavh, send a reminder email.
- Make Xerox Copies of All Readings – Print out copies of all readings and prayers in advance in case your clergy is unable to bring a Torah to the service. Make sure all guests also have copies of their readings or blessings.
- Keep Your Tutor in your Ear– you can use ear buds during the service in case you need additional support from your tutor or clergy.
- Create Virtual Sign-In By Using Chat Function – Encourage virtual guests to send good wishes during the service through the chat function. You can save these messages and later print them creating a virtual sign-in board. Consider the “old fashion” way too! Ask your guests to email Mazel Tov messages as well.
Additional Ideas to Keep the Service Festive and Fun
- Create an At-Home Kiddush bag – If you have already printed your kippahs or programs, why not hand deliver or mail them to your guests for the virtual service? Mitzvah Mom Randy Flax of Long Island even added challah and grape juice for local guests!
- Virtual Mitzvah Care Package – Julia Erlichman of Julia & Friends Events has already planned the following if her son’s November service becomes virtual: “I’m going to send guests an At-Home Mitzvah Participation Package which will include: a program of the service, a personalized yarmulke and some of our son’s favorite treats that they would have gotten in a hotel welcome bag or as part of the favor. And of course a note saying how much it means to us that they are watching the service.”
- Plan a Bar Bat Mitzvah Drive-By Parade to Celebrate – Your child has worked so hard to prepare for their big day. Celebrate with family and friends through a drive-by parade at your house. Many entertainment companies will even bring their DJs and equipment to your driveway – just ask your vendor!
- Dress Up! – This is a special day, so let go of the comfy quarantine clothes and put on what you’d originally planned to wear for your temple service.
- Take Photos – The best angle for your service (being eye level with your computer), blocks your sight line for photos. In order to commemorate this important day, stage some photos in advance with your child and other participants.
Virtual Mitzvah Ideas & Photos
Guests at Baylee Diamond's Zoom service
View of the camera/computer set-up for Sami Feldman's Zoom Bat Mitzvah. Sami's clergy was visible on the laptop, while friends and family were present on the three monitors
Mitzvah mom Robyn Diamond of South Carolina sent a Zoom starter kit to guests, complete with the "Friends" theme of her daughter Baylee's celebration
The Flax family of Long Island, NY, dropped off kippahs and kiddush bags to local guests the day before the Zoom Mitzvah.
Need help with your virtual service? Learn more about The Virtual Simcha from Xtreme Event Group
here
Thousands of Bar and Bat Mitzvah families are sharing information and ideas about virtual Mitzvahs, re-booking their celebrations and more in Mitzvah Market’s 17 regional Facebook groups. Join here.
May 18th, 2020
During this Coronavirus pandemic, families are deciding how to handle the postponement of their child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah service and/or celebration. Mitzvah Market spoke with four leading clergy about the most important questions facing Bar Bat Mitzvah parents and their children today:
If your child’s service is moved to another date, can they still recite their original Torah and Haftorah portions or do they have to learn something new?
All four clergy we spoke with say it is OK to use the Torah portion you have prepared, even if your service date changes.
Cantor Barbra Lieberstein has “given the families the option of either keeping the same Torah/Haftarah portion and writing their d’var Torah on the parasha of the weekend that the service is rescheduled for, or they can learn a new portion… I understand that the students have spent many months learning their Torah portions, and want to make the experience as stress-free as possible. The majority of the students who rescheduled are chanting the same portion and rewriting their speeches.”
Rabbi/Cantor Ronald Broden shares, “I have had a few postponed ceremonies and I don’t change the Torah portion. In fact, I have never insisted on the specific Torah portion for any week. My approach has always been to let families know that there is a specific Torah portion for every week but that I allow children to choose any other Torah portion that they feel is something they are better able to relate to.”
“My students ALWAYS have the ability to choose their own Torah portion, so flexibility is my middle name,” says Cantor Debbi Ballard. “My students who have invested time in learning a Torah portion will keep theirs and they do not have to learn a new one.”
Rabbi Monte Sugarman is also permitting students to use the same Torah portion. For exceptional students who can do it, they can choose to learn a new portion based on the new timing of their Bar Bat Mitzvah date.
If your service is taking place at home, how do you handle a Torah reading if you don’t have access to a Torah? Is it OK to just use the papers you have been studying from or are there other options?
The clergy all agree – don’t worry! They will either bring a Torah to your home (or wherever the service is taking place), or provide you with a scanned picture taken directly from the Torah.
“When I perform the ceremony in the home with the family, I have my Torah with me,” explains Cantor Ballard. “For ceremonies I perform on Zoom, my student is given a picture directly from the Torah and they print it for use at home. My student is always in possession of their papers in a binder and they will use that no matter where we perform the service.”
Can family members participate and/or recite prayers during the service over a video call?
Absolutely(!) agree our experts.
“The participation of family members and others has increased in the few ceremonies I have done over Zoom,” says Rabbi/Cantor Broden. “I have incorporated “An Abundance of Blessing” as a way for anyone to say something special and personal (and short) at the end of the ceremony.”
Cantor Lieberstein keeps guests on mute during the service but will unmute “those who have an Aliyah to the Torah, Grandparents’ blessing, and HaMotzi over the Challah.” She adds, “immediate family members present may have to double up on the other honors including presenting the Tallit, lifting, dressing, and undressing the Torah.”
We thank the clergy for taking the time to discuss these important issues facing Bar Bat Mitzvah families today.
Rabbi Sugarman shares a reminder for all: “If you don’t have joy, you have oy! If you have to delay your Bar or Bat Mitzvah for a year, it’s okay.”
Read How to Word Bar Bat Mitzvah Postponement Cards
Read How to Update Your Swag/Logo for Postponed Bar Bat Mitzvah Events
Read 5 Ways To Continue Planning Your Bar Bat Mitzvah During the Coronavirus Pandemic
Read Bar Bat Mitzvah Parades: How To Celebrate from Home During Coronavirus
Thousands of Bar and Bat Mitzvah parents are sharing information and ideas about virtual Mitzvahs, re-booking their celebrations and more in Mitzvah Market’s 17 regional Facebook groups. Join here.
May 11th, 2020
Planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah during the Coronavirus pandemic requires parents to consider a whole host of new issues and concerns. Social distancing, food service, payment schedules and out of town guests are just a few of the concerns that have recently been discussed on Mitzvah Market’s 17 regional Bar Bat Mitzvah planning groups on Facebook.
“I worry about venues and vendors going under; making a kid practice for something that’s now a year away; whether or not 14-year-olds will still like Coke and Pepsi; and if we will even want the same kind of event next May that we had planned for this one,” summed up one parent. Thousands of families are all in the same boat, and these groups have become the go-to resource for parents to share information, ideas and sometimes, just to vent.
See below for the top fears and worries of parents who are currently planning their simchas.
Date Changes:
◊ Will our Bar or Bat Mitzvah actually happen on the date we planned?
◊ It’s already keeping me up at night. We’ve moved our party from May 30 to August 30… I’m really not sure it’s going to happen at all.
◊ The farther we move the party from the service, the sillier it feels to me. I am not going to do them in separate years. If I don’t keep changing my date, I’ll never get my deposits back. Also, what will it look like when finally it happens? So many questions.
◊ My son’s Bar Mitzvah is in November and I’m not really sure how to proceed with a party. I don’t know if we’ll be able to have one then, so right now I have nothing planned.
◊ We changed our May date to end of November. That was Plan B. Now we’re working on Plan C, the party in the spring. I feel it truly won’t be comfortable until then. My fear is Plan D. By then my daughter’s friends may be different, except for a few life long friends.
◊ We have already rescheduled and now it looks like our new date won’t be happening either. I told my daughter if we have to reschedule again, we can have it in December instead: a Chris-Mitzvah! (We are an interfaith family.)
Vendors and Finances:
◊ Money. I have just enough saved to throw a nice (but not crazy) party, but the economy is taking a huge downturn. We don’t have a lot of other savings.
◊ If I plan for a January Bar Mitzvah and then we are quarantined again and I have to cancel, I will lose so much money!
◊ Will all of my vendors survive all of this (no one sick, no one bankrupt)?
◊ I have concerns about my vendors. I’ve paid some of them half. What happens if they go under or we can’t do it on the rescheduled date?
Guests, Travel and Social Distancing:
◊ What if we move forward with our child’s celebration, but no one shows up (due to fear)?
◊ Will my out of town friends and relatives feel comfortable traveling?
◊ Can I still have the amount of people that we originally planned or do we need to cut the list?
◊ Will my family be able to fly from out of the country? How do we still make it special for our daughter with the new situation both financially and in terms of how many people will be allowed for parties?
◊ Will we be able to have a large party with 200+ people?
◊ Can we hold hands for the horah or will we all be holding napkins? Can we all be tightly packed on a dance floor?
◊ Will family be able to join us from other states?
◊ I worry about whether or not we will actually be able to gather a large group safely.
One thing we know for sure: we’re all in this together. Mitzvah Market will be here every step of the way to help you plan a memorable Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
If you haven’t joined one of our 17 regional Facebook planning groups, join here.
