The Invisible Load of Bar Mitzvah Planning | MitzvahMarket

The Invisible Load of Bar Mitzvah Planning

The Invisible Load of Bar Mitzvah Planning

Do you remember two years ago when your friend with an older kid complained about how hard it was to plan a Bat Mitzvah and you kind of quietly laughed to yourself? Do you remember thinking “I have planned every party in my life for the last twenty years, so planning a Mitzvah should be a breeze?”

Yeah, me too. And even so. I found myself crying in my car today.

There are so many stressful moments involved with planning a mitzvah it is sometimes hard to keep it all in perspective. But that is what we need to do. This too shall pass, and it is all good stress, but nonetheless – it is a lot. I think it is important for us to acknowledge that. I find myself both grateful to be planning this party and also overwhelmed because it’s a lot to manage, and that’s ok.

From tracking down people who don’t RSVP on time to making sure that everything needed (when you don’t know what’s needed) is done, to making sure that all the vendors have been hired even though you don’t know all the vendors that need to be hired, to dealing with your child’s disappointment when somebody responds no. It is a lot. It is a lot. It is a lot.

There are so many invisible things that go into planning this beautiful, wonderful occasion – much like there are many invisible parts of motherhood. But we get through them and if we are lucky, we will get a “thank you” and a nice hug from the child of honor at the end of the day.

Yes, figuring out giveaways, prizes, swag, and favors (beware of the teen! Do NOT get them mixed up) are a lot, but the joy you see on your child’s face when you get them back from the printer and they look amazing is well worth it. Yes, the nerves are there thinking you forgot something, but in reality? You probably did not. Plus even if you did, you will most likely be the only one who notices.

These are the things currently keeping me up at night – in addition to the sweatshirt sizes of preteens. At first it seemed obvious that everyone would get an adult medium, until I think about all the tall people and all the short people who don’t fit into an adult medium. So, does everyone get an adult large? But what about my six-year-old? Nope, that does not work either, so let’s go over the list again. Don’t you feel like that has become your mantra?

It’s funny to think that in other parts of the country, people just have a mitzvah luncheon. It would be easy to just plan a luncheon. Until it isn’t easy to plan a luncheon. Because I have a friend who planned one and it was equally stressful.

Sometimes I think about the man I met when I got off the boat in Morocco who was wearing a Bar Mitzvah shirt of somebody from New Jersey that he never met. It was kind of a turning point in my life where I realized that when you donate something, you don’t know where it goes. We talk to our kids about perspective, and this moment was a big one for me. So yes, it is natural to stress about logos and swag, but just remember it will end up in a bin somewhere one day, hopefully bringing happiness to someone who just needs a new shirt.

Think of this – when your kids go backpacking one day, maybe they will be met by a man on a camel wearing a sweatshirt with their logo! …Actually, that would be pretty freaking cool!

But getting back to managing your mitzvah planning stress. The truth is – the vendors you hired (off of a positive recommendation or a ton of research, I’m sure) do this all day. They are good – which is why you hired them. Your event is the world to you but just this weekend to them. They got this, just let them. This is their job. Remember that! They do not want to look bad so they’re going to do an even better job than you expect. This advice was in fact given to me by said friend above who two years ago was exactly in my spot stressing. Do you know what? Her party was incredible and surpassed all her expectations.

Similarly, your event will be perfect and gorgeous and as long as the electricity stays on to play the music and cook the food, your party will be a smashing success too.

Which is why the theme of our party is tacos and dancing. 

Stacey Wallenstein is the founder of the parenting & lifestyle blog The Mint Chip Mama. Visit her website at and find her across all socials at @themintchipmama

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