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The Trials & Tribulations Of A Mitzvah Mom Part 4

The Trials & Tribulations Of A Mitzvah Mom Part 4

By Leslie Adler,

The List

The dreaded list….’cause at some point in the life of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah planning Mom, there comes a time when ya gotta make “the list.”

Should be easy, right? Well yes, as it pertains to the 90 something percent of the list that you are 100 percent sure about…and then there is that other little percent that causes you to have little debates in your head….and with your spouse and with your child.

No matter what the size of the venue or the party is, there will be questions about who belongs on your list and though I know this is supposed to be about “my trials and tribulations,” as it pertains to “the list,” I would rather give you a sampling of the questions I have heard not only in my own mind but from the mouths of other Mitzvah planning moms who have admitted to obsessing over “the list.”

Here goes….

Who should be on “the list?” Every child in your kid’s grade? Whether they are friends or not? “How come when they were six years old and you made a bowling party for 12 dollars a kid it was okay to invite 20 of their closest friends and now at exponentially higher prices there is an expectation of inviting the grade to your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah?“

And what are the guidelines for adults in your life? What about your “office people” who really don’t know the child? Is this the appropriate forum for them?

Should you invite people to this event that you would not otherwise buy dinner for? What if they are not your social friends but they had something to do with your child’s life? A coach? A teacher?

What about the couple that will feel left out because they are friends with so many of your guests but really are on the fringe for you?

How many of the grandparent’s friends should be invited? Only the one’s that know your kid? Do they really want to come or do they see the invite as an invitation to write a check?

Petty questions? I don’t think so! No matter what size the budget, what size the list there will always be some question as to whether you got the list completely right. If you don’t believe me, ask a friend who already made a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

So it’s time for me to create mine…“The List,” that is. I’m beginning with the list from 3 years ago, happy that most friends are still friends, happy to add new friends and already agonizing over some deletions and the fear of leaving anyone out that should be on there. Oy!

Till next time…


About Leslie Adler
Leslie Adler is a mother, lawyer and creator of and shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic’s “The Friendship Court.”

We hope you will follow along as this Mitzvah Mom updates us on all the highs and lows leading up to her daughter’s May 2010 Bat Mitzvah. Everything from conflicts with other children’s dates to the dress, catering and other Vendor drama. Leslie will bring humor to this exciting yet stressful time for many families.

Read Part 1 here.
Read Part 2 here.
Read Part 3 here.

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