May 18th, 2023
When a boy becomes a man at his Bar Mitzvah, it’s time for him to lace up his shoes and hit the ground running as a Jewish adult. But before Liam could run off into his new chapter in life, he set out to celebrate the monumental occasion in true sneakerhead fashion, envisioning a sneaker themed Bar Mitzvah party.
With the sleek and urban feel of the sneaker party theme in mind, Melisa Imberman of The Event of a Lifetime searched tirelessly for the perfect raw, adaptable, and elegant space that could host the epic event. Eventually, an unexpected solution presented itself—an exclusive private car club housed an endless number of luxury and vintage cars. The allure of the collection of cars coupled with the pristine white walls and flooring made the venue the perfect space, and Liam and his dad were all in on it. With this development, Melisa worked to elevate the original theme to incorporate the incredible cars- eventually dubbing the theme Cars and Kicks.
To set the tone from the start, guests were presented with incredible invitations designed to resemble miniature Nike shoe boxes. Inside, they discovered a beautifully crafted custom lucite sneaker adorned with monogramed shoelaces.
After an intimate backyard Bar Mitzvah service led by Liam’s own grandmother, Liam traded his service shoes for his best sneakers, getting ready to celebrate and dance the night away. Arriving at the transformed venue, guests were just as wowed by the party’s decor as they were by the cars around them.
While the amazing autos certainly made a statement, the centerpieces were the real showstopper. Invoking the feeling of a glass shoebox, the pieces showcased sneakers from Liam’s own personal collection.
Sitting atop black quilted vinyl tablecloths and black napkins tied with custom shoe laces, the translucent pieces minimally decorated with subtle florals and candles still allowed for the perfect view of the vehicles that lined the walls.
Upon arrival, guests were invited to leave a note on a unique type of sign-in board—a genuine football jersey bearing Liam’s name and the number 13 to represent the age of becoming a Bar Mitzvah.
Over the dancefloor, a spectacular display of custom lit up sneakers hung down, making it feel like a sneakerhead’s heaven. A bright stage with a huge video wall was adorned with boxes proudly displaying the rest of Liam’s sneaker collection. For photos, a backdrop mounted with sports equipment painted white was a sleek spot to commemorate the celebration. Beside it was a Lids shop for guests to create their own hats to take home!
The real partying commenced with dancing and fun and fashionable giveaways including t-shirts and corduroy bucket hats with an “Off-White” inspired logo. Guests also got their hands on cute collectibles like a popper fidget phone case wallet, monogramed shoelaces, and an adorable Nike shoebox AirPods case.
In case anyone needed a moment to kick up their feet and relax, a stylish and comfortable lounge area awaited, featuring tables designed to resemble shoe boxes, complete with custom pillows. The bar backdrop was plastered with inspirational and motivational quotes to match the exciting and uplifting day.
Looking at before and after photos of the space shows just how huge of a transformation the room underwent, taking this:
to this:
Liam’s enthusiasm for his hobbies coupled with Melisa Imberman’s imagination and expertise perfectly combined two themes into one, taking a blank canvas space and transforming it into a breathtaking party venue. This just goes to show that with creativity and big ideas, any theme can be a showstopper- or rather, a shoestopper.
Photography by Whitnee Shulman
May 10th, 2023
Planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah party can be stressful- there are so many factors to consider, from venue to food to entertainment and more, and it can be difficult to know where to start. Luckily, there are many tools available online that can help you figure out a planning timeline, budget, and quantities needed to throw the party of your dreams. While these 5 party planning tools won’t do all the work for you, they’ll help set you up for success and get you on the right track.
The Timeline
Before starting any official planning, make sure you’re operating in the right timeline to get things done. You should know your B Mitzvah date as early as 3 years in advance, and putting together logistics for the party can start up to a year and a half before the big day. This may seem like a huge window to work in for one party, but it’s better to start early than to find yourself in panic mode a month out from the event. To help set your intentions for your party planning timeline, check out this comprehensive, Mitzvah-specific checklist and timeline from Cutie Patootie Creations.
The Budget
Whether you’re working on a budget of $1,000 or $100,000, setting and sticking to your budget is fundamental in planning a successful party. For experienced party planners, the sight of a budget spreadsheet is a welcome challenge. For newbie planners, the thought of outlining every last budgetary detail can feel like a nightmare. Both starters and pros can get use from this party budget worksheet that has pre-made categories to consider and makes budgeting easy and accessible. The worksheet is specific to birthday parties, but by saving your own copy, you can customize it completely to your party’s needs.
The Venue
Once you’ve got your timeline in place and your budget set, booking a venue early should be your top priority. With so many venues to choose from, it can be hard to know exactly what kind of space you want and need. With this simple venue capacity calculator, all you need is an estimate of how many guests you plan to invite and you’ll get a breakdown of how large of a space will be necessary to accommodate that number. See the difference between a reception-style set up versus a cocktail party or banquet hall. This will help you narrow down exactly what kind of space is the best fit for your party needs.
The Food
Ensuring that there is enough food and beverages for all of your guests can be especially tricky, and it’s necessary information for your caterer or food provider that can really impact your budget too. Once you have a general idea of how many people will be in attendance at your party, use these tips for calculating an estimate on food and drink amounts. This will make your life easier and guarantee your guests leave your party feeling satisfied and happy.
The Details
Once the big stuff is out of the way, you can focus on the fine details of your party. One such detail that can really change the aura of your party space is uplighting which people have been using for decades to elevate their event. If you know your approximate venue size and number of guests attending, you can turn to this uplighting calculator that will determine the number of lights you need to get the desired effect you’re looking for.
Conclusion
Planning a Mitzvah party requires a lot of attention to details, but with the right tools, it doesn’t have to be a stressful process. Working with an event planner who knows the ropes can help alleviate a lot of potential anxieties, but whether you’re working with a planner or operating on your own, it’s important to use all of the tools at your disposal. Good luck, and happy planning!
May 10th, 2023
How much money should you gift to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah teen on their big day? Whether you’re attending your first B Mitzvah or you’re a seasoned pro, knowing what to gift a teen of honor can oftentimes be tricky or confusing. While many guests close to the celebrating family will give a variety of physical presents, like jewelry or toys, for the average B Mitzvah guest, cash or a check is an appropriate gift. If you’re not comfortable giving cash, a gift card to a store or favorite restaurant can also be a great option.
Before determining how much money you should give, there is one significant tradition to be aware of when gifting money of any kind at a B Mitzvah or any Jewish celebration. The number 18 is symbolic in Judaism, because in ancient Jewish numerology (called Gematria) it represents the word “chai,” which means “life”. Because of this, it is common to give money in multiples of 18 as a way to symbolize the wish for a long and prosperous life for the B Mitzvah teen. If possible, it is best to give a gift in a multiple of 18, like $54 or $72.
But how much money you should give? This can depend on a few things, like how close you are to the B Mitzvah teen, how many members of your family are invited, and how long you’ve known the teen.
If you’re not particularly close to the Mitzvah teen (think distant family friend or relative), a gift of around $25-$50 is appropriate. If you’re closer to the teen, a gift in the range of $50-$100 is more appropriate.
The same goes for if your child has been invited to attend a classmate or friend’s B Mitzvah- if this is someone your child has not known for long or doesn’t know very well, a gift of $18 or $36 is plenty. If it’s a close friend, a higher amount of money or a gift your child picks out may be more appropriate. Of course, these amounts can vary depending on your financial situation and what you feel comfortable giving.
If you’re attending the Bar or Bat Mitzvah with your spouse or partner, it’s also important to consider how many members of your family are invited. If it’s just the two of you, the gift can be on the lower end of the range mentioned above. However, if you’re bringing your kids or other family members along, you may consider increasing the gift amount to reflect that.
If you’ve known the Bar or Bat Mitzvah teen for a long time and have a special connection with them, it’s also appropriate to give a larger gift. This can be in the range of $100-$200 ($180 is standard in this range) or even more, depending on your financial situation.
Of course, the most important thing to bear in mind while gift giving is the sentiment and meaning behind your gift. Even if you’re not able to give a large amount of money, a heartfelt card or small token of your appreciation can mean just as much. And know- no one will judge or think poorly of you if you give a modest gift. They’ll just be happy that you were able to celebrate their big day with them!
One thing to avoid when giving a B Mitzvah gift is giving a check that hasn’t been filled out. It’s important to fill out the check with the intended amount before giving it as a gift. This way, the teen can easily deposit the check and use the money for whatever they want or need.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you’re unable to attend the B Mitzvah in person, it’s still customary to send a gift. You can either send cash or a gift card in the mail or order a gift online to be delivered to the teen’s home.
In the end, the amount you give as a Bar or Bat Mitzvah gift should be based on your relationship with the teen and their family, your financial situation, and what you feel comfortable giving. It’s important to remember that the thought behind the gift is what truly matters, and the teen will appreciate any gift given with love and appreciation.
May 3rd, 2023
Lag Ba’Omer, the 33rd day of the counting period that occurs between Passover and Shavuot, is a lesser known holiday famous for its celebratory nature, big bonfires, and general fun. In 2023, Lag Ba’Omer is celebrated from May 8 to May 9. We’ve scoured the web for fun family events taking place across the country- from barbecues, to carnivals, to storytimes and more! Click the links below to check out events near you.
Atlanta
Bring the whole family out to Gainesville for a lakeside barbecue and bonfire hosted by Hall County Chabad.
Price: Adults $10, children $5
Bay Area
Enjoy a Friday evening backyard barbecue celebration at B’Nai Israel Jewish Center in Petaluma.
Price: Free
Boston
Perfect for little ones, the Shaloh House Jewish Day School will celebrate Lag Ba’Omer with a petting zoo, pony rides, bounce houses, and more.
Price: $7
Long Island
Suffolk Celebrates Israel at the Suffolk Y JCC in Commack will feature dancing, bounce houses, a bonfire, live music, and more.
Price: Adults $10, children $5, free for children under 4
Chabad of the Five Towns is hosting their 28th Annual Community Lag Ba’Omer Celebration at the Andrew J. Parise Cedarhurst Park. The blowout event will have an acrobatic performance, music and dancing, a petting zoo, and much more.
Price: Free
Los Angeles
Bring your post-Mitzvah child to Sephardic Tradition and Recreation in Beverly Hills for a teens-only party that includes a bonfire, photobooth, and mechanical bull! This event is for teens aged 14-18.
Price: $22
New Jersey
Get cozy and creative with a story and crafting time at this kid-friendly Lag Ba’Omer celebration taking place at the Robbinsville Branch Library in Mercer County, hosted by Beth El Synagogue.
Price: Free with registration
The Center for Jewish Life in North Marlboro invites all teens aged 13-17 for a night of bonfires and marshmallow roasting, a great chance to connect with other teens!
Price: Free with registration
New York City
Celebrate in a big way by attending Chabad’s Great Lag Ba’Omer Parade at their headquarters in Crown Heights. Live in another city, or want to avoid the crowds? The whole event will be livestreamed on their website.
Price: Free
Know of a Lag Ba’Omer event in your area that wasn’t mentioned? Email [email protected] to let us know!
May 3rd, 2023
Becoming a B Mitzvah is about becoming an adult in the eyes of the Jewish people. With that said, “becoming an adult” has so many meanings, including broadening one’s horizons. I believe one of the best ways to do this is by taking a meaningful trip. Since we are speaking about a B Mitzvah, there is no more meaningful place to go than Israel and more specifically, Jerusalem.
Celebrating A B Mitzvah In Jerusalem
My family of five recently went to Israel for my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah trip. Not only did we have a very special ceremony for her under the Kotel but we did so many things to connect her to the land in Jerusalem and her surroundings.
As Jews, we think of Jerusalem as our most holy place. But in fact, once there you learn it is a holy place for many religions. This concept will spark multiple family conversations opening your child’s mind to many things. Because our history is intertwined with countless others it is a great lesson to teach about co-existing peacefully. In addition, it is a terrific opportunity to highlight how most people in Israel live alongside their neighbors without fighting.
Friday evening, we walked to my cousin’s house for Shabbat dinner and slowly saw the city close down. It was fun to seamlessly fall into the flow of people hurrying off with a bottle of wine or a dessert. We were told there is a Shabbat feeling in Jerusalem. We felt it and we loved it.
Kotel Tunnel Tours
Of course, the Western Wall or Kotel is the center of every trip to Jerusalem. This wall is sacred to the Jews and dates to the Second Temple. Under the wall, there are tunnels that you can tour which are incredible. Even better – they are continuously unearthing new ones! This is a really cool way to experience history firsthand. This tour was one of the highlights of our trip. My kids thought it was amazing that they were walking in the actual steps of their ancestors.
Yad Vashem
Next, we made our way to Yad Vashem, Israel’s Holocaust Memorial. Since my boys were too young to visit the museum (they suggest 10+) we enjoyed the grounds while my daughter and husband toured inside with a museum-appointed private tour guide. The grounds were so big and beautiful that we had plenty to see. Plus, we were able to visit some of the exhibits and then have an age-appropriate conversation.
Touring Jerusalem’s Old City
On Sunday we met a private tour guide who took us on a walking tour of Jerusalem’s Old City. He explained what we saw in the context of history, the present, as well as the different city quarters and famous sites. We loved the Tower of David Museum, the Rampart’s Walk, and of course all of the colors and galleries of the Cardo. It was great to have a private guide who could tailor our tour to our interests.
Mount Herzl
On Monday we visited Mount Herzl cemetery to pay our respects to the founders and fighters who made Israel a reality. There are so many stories to tell there, and it was simply incredible to learn of the bravery of so many. I was grateful to have a guide for this as well since he brought the narratives to life.
Machane Yehuda Market
We hopped on the light rail to the Machane Yehuda market, also called The Shuk where our eyes and bellies overflowed with the most beautiful sights. One of my favorite parts was the variety of food from all diverse cultures. We had bread from so many different countries, it created a whole debate on how as much as people are different, they are fundamentally the same. From spices to dried fruit, to halvah (my favorite), to fruits, to nuts, everywhere you looked colors were just popping.
Public Art Scavenger Hunt
One of my favorite parts of Jerusalem was all the street art, murals, fountains, sculptures, and signs. It became a scavenger hunt to find the most interesting thing as we walked along. We especially liked seeing how the city transformed at night with the monuments lit up.
Food, Food, and More Food!
Finally, as foodies, we experienced Jerusalem through our taste buds. This was one of the most fun ways to learn about the culture. Of course, each day began with a famous Israeli breakfast which means mile-high plates of cucumbers, tomatoes, pesto, chocolate spread, halva and so much more. The good news was we ate so much each morning we did not need to waste time stopping for lunch!
For dinner each night we had a feast. Partly because after walking so much we were starving and partly because passing all the delicious-looking food everywhere made your mouths water. We had a meat-tasting dinner one night, and a hummus-tasting dinner the next (do you see a theme). In fact, dinner became as much fun as sightseeing. Some of our favorite memories from our trip had to do with dinner.
Ein Gedi, Masada & The Dead Sea
Jerusalem is filled with history, museums, attractions, activities, and delicious food. It is also a fantastic and centrally located place to stay while visiting things outside of the city for the day. Since Saturday is Shabbat, we are not observant, and most things in Jerusalem were closed, we opted to take a day trip to Ein Gedi, Masada, and the Dead Sea. Ein Gedi is an exceptionally beautiful oasis filled with gorgeous waterfalls and a relatively easy hike. Masada is a key place in Jewish history and a great family conversation starter. The Dead Sea is incredibly unique and something very special to experience. It was easy to do all three in one day.
Caliber 3
Caliber 3 is a counter-terrorism training academy, where one gets trained by ex-IDF officers. My kids LOVED it. Not only do they teach you what to do in an emergency but also how to shoot a gun (paintball for kids, real guns for adults). It was quite an adventure!
Dig For A Day
Dig For A Day was without a doubt the highlight of our whole trip. Here you go into one of the ten thousand caves they discovered from the time of The Maccabees and help their team of archaeologists uncover artifacts. It is all real, and things found here have ended up in museums around the world! In the brief time we were there we found bones, oven tiles, and additional stairs. This activity is a must
Leave Time To Get Lost Within Jerusalem
With all of this said, one of the best parts of traveling to a foreign country is walking around and getting lost in the vibe of the city. Jerusalem is no different. With so many neighborhoods, colors, tastes, and cultures, taking some time to just enjoy it is tantamount. This too is a life lesson for your kids. You can plan and plan but sometimes the best things in life come out in unexpected spaces.
Stacey Wallenstein is the founder of the parenting, lifestyle, and travel blog The Mint Chip Mama. Visit her website at themintchipmama.com and find her across all socials at @themintchipmama.
April 26th, 2023
No two Bar Mitzvah teens are created the same, so there’s no one-size-fits all type of party. While a nighttime or afternoon dance party is certainly the most common and traditional type of B Mitzvah party, it’s not the right fit for so many young adults. If this sounds like your B Mitzvah teen, don’t sweat it- here are some ideas for alternative types of B Mitzvah parties and activities that don’t involve a DJ or a dancefloor.
Mini-golf is a classic activity that is sure to be a hit with guests of all ages. Whether you set up a mini-golf course in your backyard, rent a portable course, or bring your friends to a local course, mini-golf is an active and entertaining way to celebrate the big day. If you’re planning on setting up minigolf at your own home, go big with the garden party theme and rent other backyard games for cheap, like cornhole, horseshoes, or frisbee-golf. This type of party is great for a teen who wants something intimate or lowkey, but can still bring an element of fun competition with friends!
For the gaming crowd, a rented out arcade all to themself is like walking into paradise! The same goes for an indoor sports arena, a rock-climbing gym, and any other niche space your teen may want to check out for their big day. The options are endless, so really lean into your teen’s interests when looking into an alternative venue for their party.
Another option for an at-home or lowkey party activity is crafting. Set up a crafting station where guests can make their own keepsakes to remember the special day. Whether it’s decorating a picture frame or making a friendship bracelet, crafting is a great way to get everyone involved and spark creativity. Alternatively, you could bring a group of your teen’s closest friends to a paint-your-own-pottery studio, a private painting lesson, or a jewelry workshop. The options are endless!
For a more relaxed activity, consider setting up a movie screening. Choose a movie that ties in with the theme of the B Mitzvah or that is a favorite of the guest of honor. You can rent out a local theater for a special screening, or pop some popcorn at home and set up a cozy viewing area with pillows and blankets, and everyone can sit back and enjoy the show.
If your party is taking place in the summer months, consider setting up a water-based party. A trip to the waterpark can be just as (or even more) exciting as driving out to the country club for another dance party, but you can also make a water park at home or in a local park. Whether it’s a slip and slide or a water balloon fight, water activities are a fun and refreshing way to celebrate. Just make sure to have plenty of towels on hand!
For a more cerebral activity, consider setting up a trivia game or scavenger hunt. Visiting an escape room or setting up a murder mystery party can be a great bonding activity for friends and family, and is a perfect idea for a teen who’d rather exercise their brain than get their feet sore on the dancefloor. This is a great way to get everyone involved and working together, and it can be a fun way to learn more about Jewish traditions and history.
Finally, if you’re looking for a way to give back, consider setting up a charity activity. Whether it’s a bake sale, donation drive, or a shift at the food bank, this is a great way to teach the guest of honor about the importance of giving back and to make a positive impact in the community.
A B Mitzvah party should be a celebration of the young adult being honored, whatever that celebration make look like. There is no right or wrong way to throw a B Mitzvah party, so let your teen paint their own picture of what the perfect party means to them. As long as they are having fun, the party will be a great success. Happy planning!
April 21st, 2023
Bar Mitzvah boys fashion can unfortunately go overlooked- so often when it comes to B Mitzvah fashion, the focus is placed solely on Bat Mitzvah dresses or outfits for the mother of the B Mitzvah teen. Well, the team at Peter Elliot Blue, a leader in the New York men’s luxury fashion scene for over 45 years, is looking to change that with their wide range of unique, stylish, and customizable suits, tuxes, and accessories. For inspiration on dressing your Bar Mitzvah boy for his big day, these six trends will help him celebrate in style!
Bold suits
One of the hottest trends in bar mitzvah fashion for boys is bold suits. Suits that are brightly colored or uniquely designed with patterns or stripes make them stand out in the crowd of the traditional black or navy suits. The colors can range from electric blues and greens to eye-catching pinks and yellows- whatever the Bar Mitzvah boy prefers! Bold suits add a touch of fun and playfulness to the formal service part of the Bar Mitzvah, allowing the young man to express his individuality.
Statement shoes
Another trend that has been gaining popularity in recent years is statement shoes. Boys are now opting for shoes that are not only comfortable but also stylish. Statement shoes can range from brightly colored sneakers to sleek dress shoes with unique details, like metallic finishes or animal prints. Statement shoes can be a subtle way to allow boys to express their individual style and add a touch of personality to their outfits, especially if they’re opting for a more traditional suit.
Accessories
Accessories are an essential part of any outfit, and boys’ Bar Mitzvah fashion is no exception. Some popular accessories for boys include hats, ties, and belts, and even Tallit clips. Hats are an excellent way to add a touch of style to any outfit, whether it’s a fedora, a flat cap, or a baseball cap. Ties are a traditional accessory that can be used to add a pop of color or pattern to an outfit. Belts can also be used to add a touch of style and can range from classic leather to colorful canvas.
Matching family outfits
Another trend that has been gaining popularity is matching family outfits. This trend involves the entire family, including the Bar Mitzvah boy, wearing matching outfits. Matching suits, dresses, or even casual wear, whether for the service or for the party, adds a touch of unity and family togetherness to the event, making it even more special. Luckily, Peter Elliot Blue has a wide array of clothing for fathers of the B Mitzvah teen, too.
Unique kippahs
The kippah is a traditional head covering worn by Jewish men during religious ceremonies. Traditionally, kippahs are plain and simple, but in recent years, boys have been opting for unique and personalized kippahs. Some popular kippahs include ones with sports team logos, cartoon characters, or even their names embroidered on them. Personalized kippahs keep in the religious tradition of the day while adding a pop of color and individuality. They also make for a great keepsake for the Bar Mitzvah teen and guests alike.
Comfortable clothing
Lastly, comfort is an essential aspect of any outfit, and this is no different when it comes to Bar Mitzvah fashion for boys. Comfortable clothing ensures that your teen can enjoy the event without feeling uncomfortable or constrained. Boys are now opting for suits made with stretchy and breathable fabrics, which allow for ease of movement and comfort throughout the day- especially important if your Bar Mitzvah teen plans on wearing a suit to his party, too.
Feeling fresh and fashionable on your big day is something that every B Mitzvah teen should get to experience, and fun outfits for Bar Mitzvah boys have never been more accessible! To quote one of Peter Elliot’s own stylists, “Fashion is fleeting, style is not. It’s you we dress- not the lot!”
Happy planning!
April 19th, 2023
The invitation you send out for your child’s B Mitzvah is the first taste that your guests will get about your style, vision, and tone for the big day- so it’s important to make a great first impression. We spoke to some experts in invite design and manufacturing about current trends in Mitzvah invitation design so you can get a feel for how to say the most with your invitations.
Paper type
As B Mitzvah parties are coming back bigger than ever post-pandemic, invitations are doing the same. Jody of Trans Trade Promotions noted that they’ve seen classic tri-fold and bi-fold invitations falling to the wayside to make room for bolder, heavier cardstock quality items, like this bold black invite they made earlier this year:
The designers at Pioneer Announcements agreed, sharing that the thick and sturdy paper, which can be written on front and back, has risen in popularity this year.
Textures
Just as important as the paper type itself is the texture added upon it to set it apart. Layering textures of different papers on the cards has been gaining popularity. Leslie of Out of the Box NY shared that suede invites have been popular among male clients…
…and 95 Designs has seen a huge spike in the unique and eye catching trend of die cut acrylic lettering, especially for female B Mitzvah teens:
“We are seeing the trend of adding three dimensional appliquéd laser cut letters on Lucite or paper invitations to keep the cost down but to add the wow factor,” said Melissa Trachtman. She also shared that holographic lettering on invitations has been a crowd-pleaser, too:
Colors and design
Across the board, neon and fluorescent colors colors are making a huge comeback as boldness and contrast take over the decor world:
From Out of the Box NY
But just because neon is stealing the show right now doesn’t mean there’s any lack of softer, more gentle designs like watercolor, ombre, and color gradients, like in these examples from EventPrints:
or in this subtly patterned piece from Jubilana, who also note that blue seems to be the color of the year for invitations:
And of course, themed invites that match the party theme are a great choice, as they give your guests an idea of what to expect come the big day. Just check out this perfectly paired invite and tablescape duo designed by Cutie Patootie Creations…
…or this one-of-a-kind invite set perfect for the sneaker-obsessed teen…
…and a VIP ticket design guaranteed to get guests excited for the big day!
What’s your invite inspiration? No matter your vision, Mitzvah Market gives you access to the best vendors around- don’t hesitate to start planning the party of your dreams!
April 12th, 2023
“I think what helped me most was to just stay laser-focused on the purpose of the day – to allow my kid to shine and to celebrate his/her accomplishments (I have a boy and a girl and I took this approach with both kids’ mitzvahs). This allowed me to set aside any negative or sad feelings I may have had about any of the dynamics surrounding the divorce and just do what would mean the most to my child. Ultimately, both days were peaceful, joyous and fun and I do feel part of that is because I didn’t let my own “stuff” about the divorce play a role in the day.” – Liz Berman, Mom of a 15- & 17-year-old
Planning a B Mitzvah puts everyone’s stress on high alert. Regardless of the parental situation, there is so much to do and a deadline to get it done. Once you add in divorce and inevitable family drama, the focus of your magnificent day can get skewed.
“As someone who has a contentious relationship with their ex, I would recommend setting the budget and guest list as early as possible. Set up the expectations for speeches. Be as gracious as possible to the other side of the family, especially when it comes to honors during the service. Do your own Aliyah; there is no need to share that with your ex. Finally, always put your child first because this day is about them.” – Anonymous, Mom of 14-year-old
So how do you do this? Remember this day is about your child, not you or your ex. Your child has been working hard to learn their Torah portion and is becoming a Jewish adult.
Always Put Your Kid First
This is the most important part of everything, every day, and the best place to begin when planning a B Mitzvah. Your child is busy studying – most likely nervous – and undeniably dealing with all the challenges of adolescence as well. They don’t need more stress in their lives, especially around this Simcha. Try letting your child take the lead on what they want and whom they want to be part of their big day.
Be The Grown-Up In The Room
It’s hard to set aside contentious feelings with your ex, especially when planning a big event where money wields power. But remember you want your child to have the best experience possible, and fighting will upset them. Ask yourself if forcing what you want (especially if your child does not care) is about making their day ideal or about “winning”. Be an example of the graciousness you want your child to show to others and stay focused on championing your child’s wishes, not yours.
Delegate What’s Important To Each Parent
Inevitably, parts of the B Mitzvah will be important or unimportant to you. There is beauty in indifference because it can be outsourced. This will help curtail the invisible load of mitzvah planning by parsing stuff out. If things overlap, try to choose fairly. This is a perfect way to keep the peace and also a way to separate power and autonomy as you can “own” your portion. Just remember – it is about your child’s vision of the day and creating the day they want.
Agree On A Budget Upfront
Money often ignites arguments. When dealing with a B Mitzvah – usually expensive – your event can get completely out of control financially. It’s best to discuss upfront what the overall budget is and what each person will be contributing based on their ability. Keep in mind, all parts have value – money AND time.
Build Parameters And Stay Within Them
Planning a B Mitzvah can spiral once your child starts attending others’ parties and sees all the bells and whistles at different parties. Remember, it’s ok to say no. Additionally, while this event is incredibly meaningful, it is just one day – and you still have to pay your mortgage tomorrow. It’s important to be on the same page with your parameters, lest your child go to one parent and then the other to get what they want.
Make Space For Stepparents
As hard as it may be to swallow, if your child has a special relationship with a parent’s new partner, they should be part of your child’s day. This could mean inclusion in candle lighting, standing up during a parent’s speech, or for an Aliyah. Equally, if your child does not have a close relationship with a parent’s new partner, or does not want to include the new partner, honor that as well.
While both may be hard to accept, go back to making this day meaningful for your child which includes surrounding them with their important people on their special day. This is their day and forcing someone upon them is unfair.
Your Child Deserves A Family Picture
Capturing a picture of your child’s entire family together is one of the most important things you can do for them. This will be one of the most valuable keepsakes of the night and something they will look at for decades. Let your child dictate who should be in this picture. Equally keep in mind that even if you don’t want to stand next to an ex, the ex is still your child’s parent – which will never change – and your child deserves a picture with their parents.
In Conclusion
At the end of the day, your child’s B Mitzvah should have an audience of one – your child. This day is about their hard work, self-pride, and the smile at the end of the night because this was the best day of their life. Keep returning to this mantra. Anything else will just take the beauty away from this moment. Plus it goes so fast, focus on the good and be sure YOU stop to take in the enormity of the day.
Stacey Wallenstein is the founder of the parenting, lifestyle, and travel blog The Mint Chip Mama. Visit her website at themintchipmama.com and find her across all socials at @themintchipmama.
April 3rd, 2023
Sports themes are one of the most common and popular themes for a B Mitzvah party- and in New York and the east coast, the local professional teams reign supreme. While a Giants or Yankees or Red Sox party is always a huge hit, it’s always a challenge to reinvent the proverbial party wheel. That’s why Melisa Imberman of the event planning company The Event of a Lifetime was pleasantly surprised to be tasked with designing a Cleveland Browns themed party for Bar Mitzvah boy Alex.
Set at scenic Tappan Hill in Tarrytown, New York, Alex’s Browns Mitzvah service took place on a bright and beautiful day in the stunning outdoor garden lined with lush florals and greenery.
After Alex’s turn up at the Torah, the tone shifted from scenic to sporty sensational as everyone headed inside for cocktails, dinner, and all of the fun to come for the evening. The first thing they saw inside was an escort card table decked out in Browns memorabilia and florals that surrounded an “Alex” goalpost. To find their seating arrangements, guests looked for their “ticket” that indicated which team’s table they’d be sitting at.
Walking into the party was like walking into the Browns’ fan section the Dawg Pound, and Alex and his guests were ready to get wild. The kids’ bar as well as the locker room style photobooth were decked out in Dawg Pound insignia, making it feel like a private VIP tour of FirstEnergy Stadium.
And what’s a VIP experience without a luxe lounge to relax in? Plush brown leather couches and matching orange ottomans let the MVPs kick their feet up and chill in between all of the action of the party. Adults could take the edge off with a drink from the dogged up open bar.
Of course, a rugged sporty party does not have to come at the expense of class and luxury- just look at the table settings, floating candles, and stunning floral centerpieces, all of which highlight and complement the Browns’ iconic brown and orange color scheme. The subtle orange uplighting warmed up the space and tied the whole room together.
After a joyous celebration of dancing, eating, and games, the big game was coming to a close. As a final stadium style treat, guests were treated to a fresh baked pretzel plucked right off of a quirky pretzel umbrella. They finished them off with their favorite toppings, making for a perfect treat for the ride home.
Every sports B Mitzvah is unique in its own way… and even more so when a New Yorker backs their Midwest team from halfway across the country! For Alex and his Mad Dawg crew, the chance to be first string players in an epic Browns Mitzvah was an event they’ll never forget. After becoming a man on this monumental day, Alex is well on his way to playing in the big leagues of life.
Photos by: Sirin Samman Photography
