By Leslie Adler, www.thevuvclub.com
I realized as I am writing this fifth column in a series called “Trials and Tribulations….” that the title itself implies, even means, a “test of one’s patience and endurance” and I wondered aloud if this is a good way to characterize what a Mitzvah Planning Parent goes through during the planning process . I thought and I pondered and then I answered aloud in a clear and concise voice, “Yes it is!”
I am not “down on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.” I loved making the first one, I love attending them (so keep those invites coming) and I can’t wait for Sydney’s big day. I know I will have it all under control and in perspective….but my friends, I would be remiss if I didn’t write a “Trials and Tribulations” column on the things people say or do, inadvertently or purposefully, that cause us planning Moms some undue stress….some undue “trials and tribulations.” Here are some fine examples:
“Your party is in December? What will you do if it snows?”
How is this helpful people? A bunch of the months of the year come with the potential for bad weather, should we just eliminate them from the Temple’s calendar? This is one of those things where “it is what it is” and it just aint helpful when you ask the snow question.”
“Oh, you signed Monty the Music Man?” I just went to a party and he was the deejay and no one was dancing.”
Okay, breathe….inhale, exhale….maybe the party was full of losers, maybe Monty had a bad day, maybe the person making the comment is just too stupid to live. Remind yourself you liked Monty when you gave him that big fat deposit and all will be good.
“You were at the Schwartz party? I heard it wasn’t that good?”
Yes, I was there and it was the most beautiful, extravagant, well-planned party I was ever at. Who would say a negative thing about it? And if you heard negative press about a party that nice, what will you say about mine that cost 1/5th as much? Note to self….take this person off list.
“Your party is at Mitzvah Manor? I was just there. No one manned the coat room and no one was there to give out sweatshirts.”
Thank you…now perhaps I will just go and kill myself. Okay, maybe this will prompt me to absolutely make sure this doesn’t happen during my party, but the words went right to my stomach causing a nagging ache. Yuk!
No more examples. I think we all got the point. I’m just sayin’….maybe the one Mitzvah Project we can all do is to refrain from critical comments unless asked direct questions by friends we know are seeking our constructive advice…and even then, maybe we can all be a little conscious of how we deliver the message. Remember what it feels like or imagine what it will feel like when you are the planning Mom.
Till next time…
About Leslie Adler
Leslie Adler is a mother, lawyer and creator of www.thevuvclub.com and shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic’s “The Friendship Court.”
We hope you will follow along as this Mitzvah Mom updates us on all the highs and lows leading up to her daughter’s May 2010 Bat Mitzvah. Everything from conflicts with other children’s dates to the dress, catering and other Vendor drama. Leslie will bring humor to this exciting yet stressful time for many families.