Celebrate - New Season
Eat Pray Save: The Trials & Tribulations Of A Mitzvah Mom – Part 5

By Cindy Silvert, www.easybreezygourmet.com

Jordana Kayla Falinsky plans her son’s Bar Mitzvah. She takes care of the caterer, the band, the flowers, the out of towners, the photographer, videographer, rentals, invites, seating, wardrobe, staff and the weather. She does this while working full time both in and out of the home. The morning of, she dresses and feeds her crew, then reminds her husband who his relatives are. She’s inexhaustible, unstoppable, and a babe. After the marvelous meal, when her husband gets up to the mic to revel in his wife’s magnificence, you can bet your Israel Bonds that he lovingly refers to her as “The Glue” that holds it all together.

Is it just me, or does glue remind you of a dead horse? Let’s do some free association for glue: Kindergarten macaroni art, 1970, teens who can’t afford respectable middle class barbiturates… and who the heck is Elmer? I have peeled dried glue off my hand with the best of them, but in the end, it’s messy and smelly and toxic. Even glue sticks dry out and vanish into thin air just when you need them most (11pm the night before the project is due). A girl poured a bottle of glue on my head in 1st grade (she was from Florida), so maybe I have a unique perspective.

Things I’ve glued: a broken desk, a smelly shoe (not mine), a deep cut on my pinky (doctor’s orders, I swear), and a fake leather purse (it was a gift, no really). We glue on fake nails, eyelashes and teeth. Face it, the best part is the hot glue gun which, coincidently, rhymes with “Hot Jew Mom” –I’ll take some of that!

Instead of calling us “The Glue”, how about Great Gala Goddess, or Multi-Tasking Mega Maven, or A Silicon Chip in a Supermodel’s Body with the Face of an Angel? Frankly, I’d take staples, white-out or tacks over that white sticky stuff. Plus, is it a solid or a liquid? Friend or foe? What if the purple doesn’t vanish when it’s dry? If we were describing a man who took care of eight zillion ever changing details, we’d call him Cement, or a Rock or Mr. Universe, or simply The Man. Not us, we’re made in China and cost two bucks.

My son’s geometry project fell apart upon delivery to school because the glue from the Dollar Store became unglued by our sub zero weather. If we become temporarily unglued when the caterer is late or poisons half the guests, the band is drunk on arrival or your mother-in-law really does wear her wedding dress, are we no longer of use? Have we lost our merit, our place, our meaning? Call me crazy, you won’t be the first, but please don’t call me “The Glue”.

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About Cindy Silvert
Cindy Lynn Silvert took the long route to the States from Canada via Israel, where she studied, worked and had her first two children. A lover of the Arts, Cindy is a professionally trained actor, prolific artist and writer. She has designed educational software, curricula and museums exhibits in addition to editing two books. She writes for a number of sites including easybreezygourmet.com where she shares culinary secrets, shortcuts and tips. She is also a featured chef and lead contributor of metroimma.com.

Follow Cindy’s new blog Eat Pray Save, right here on MitzvahMarket.com as she challenges the status quo all the way to the Bimah, while planning her son’s upcoming Bar Mitzvah. Eat Pray Save will be the place to get a fresh perspective and a classy, yet fun and affordable solution to the out of control phenomenon of the American Bar Mitzvah.

It’s funny stuff we know you will enjoy!

Share your thoughts by writing to us at Sheri@MitzvahMarket.com.

READERS RESPOND

“This is so well done… I have been called “the glue” more than once and while it was intended as a compliment, I would have preferred other options – now I know why. 🙂 I love reading the blog and look forward to the next posting!”
— Bonnie S.

Catch up on what you missed!

Read Part 1
Read Part 2
Read Part 3
Read Part 4



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