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B’mitzvah Therapy From Dr. and Mrs. Mitzvah

FINDING OUT WHAT TYPE OF B’MITZVAH PLANNER YOU ARE

By Dr. and Mrs. Mitzvah (aka David and Danielle Ockman “Favor It Things“)

Our first B’mitzvah blog entry was well received and we appreciate all of the continued support we have received from Mitzvah Market and our FB group!

Did you all start identifying your B’mitzvah support network and your OWN personal BMBFF’s?

This week we surpassed 1600 members in our “South Florida Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah Planning Group” and we are planning and de-stressing all the way to the bima!

However, this psychologist and social worker couple, could not help but notice that B’mitzvah parents, our “BMBFF’s” (B’mitzvah Best Friends Forever-lol) and group members fell into two distinct categories.
1) Type A- “We are good, we planned the whole thing last week!”
and
2) Type B- “We will try to plan something but just not now…We have too much on our plate.”

We are Type A B’mitzvah planning parents but have empathy for our Type B counterparts who seem to become immobilized and overwhelmed. We have been motivating them to embrace the B’mitzvah experience fully. When it comes to planning the B’mitzvah reception, becoming overwhelmed is common. We used “radical acceptance” to overcome the irrational belief that we have to “have it all” for our reception to be just right.

Fully accepting that we can “have some things and not others” is part of “staying happy” in life and in B’mitzvah planning for sure!

In the midst of these therapeutic self interventions, a break to watch “Keeping Up With The Stein’s” really drove home the reason that parents become so anxious and want to avoid planning. Procrastination is a maladaptive pattern of behavior that takes away our power of choice. Remember, “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

Watching this classic B’mitzvah movie moved us back in time, where we thought of our own B’mitzvahs—Not just because the movie was about B’mitzvah planning, but because one of the families has a “Titanic” themed showboat reception, and despite having limited funds, this Dr. Mitzvah had his own on the MISS FLORIDA Yacht in 1984. My B’mitzvah was complete with T-shirts that read, “We Rocked the Boat at David’s Bar Mitzvah.” Now, the Mrs., on the other hand had a Bat Mitzvah in the 80’s as well, complete with a handmade rainbow posterboard sign-in and lucite candy boxes.

As parents, we find ourselves often deciding whether our kids deserve more than what we got as kids or less. In the end, we decided a “happy medium” between the MISS FLORIDA and the handmade poster boards was where we were headed. But we digress, the point of “radical acceptance” and the “Keeping Up With The Stein’s” movie was that we are not in competition with anyone and that we cannot allow ourselves to lose focus of the meaning behind the beautiful B’mitzvah experience and the celebration of choice!

Anyway, just like that B’mitzvah boat…we are “full steam ahead” in our planning.

With our hotel venue booked, we set out to draft the next set of B’mitzvah dream team professionals who soon joined the list of our “BMBFFs.”

Finding the right people is another way that we make sure stress is kept at bey.

We chose a decor company, “Dalsimer-Atlas Floral and Event Decorators.” They have been doing this for almost 100 years (for our Northerners Dalsimer, Spitz and Peck)! David Dalsimer was awesome and showed us how B’mitzvah decor can be a back drop for magical memories that last a lifetime—and with a name like David, we liked him already! Theme is in the works and all is on schedule making sure to “roll out the red carpet” for our guests.

Dr. and Mrs. B'mitzvah Theraphy
Danielle with David Dalsimer

And one last recommendation for a sure fire way to delete stress from the equation…hire a “day of coordinator.”
All loose ends and coordination on our big day would distract from the pure joy. If your “day of coordinator” doesn’t become your BMBFF nobody will.

We found a true friend in transplanted New York dynamo, Bianca Cirillo of “Tied With a Bow” who does it all and knows the importance of details.

Tied With A Bow

It looks like it is still smooth “sailing” in our quest for the least stressfull B’mitzvah planning ever.

Next time, a look at Blake’s B’Mitzvah project benefitting the Jewish Adoption and Foster Care Options, booking our entertainment and unexpected inspiration found in a BMBFF.

Dr. and Mrs. Mitzvah

ABOUT DAVID AND DANIELLE OCKMAN
David and Danielle Ockman love South Florida and reside in Deerfield Beach with their 12 year old son Blake, and 7 year old daughter, Skylar. Blake’s B’mitzvah is scheduled for October, 2014.

David is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in the field of addictions for over 20 years and Danielle is a Social Worker and the Dean of Students at a private Jewish Day School. Danielle’s passion for making people treats lead her to preparing “specialty and custom” chocolate and edible B’mitzvah favors for “Favor It Things.” David and Danielle have become known in the B’mitzvah community of South Florida, as they host the Facebook group, “South Florida Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah Planning Group.” Some consider this group to be the B’mitzvah hub, bringing parents and vendors together for a “virtual B’mitzvah showcase” everyday. Since starting the FB page, David has been called “Dr. Mitzvah” and the couple continue to talk many B’mitzah parents down off the ledge!

 


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